The University of life is sad to have to report, that over 1 million of its students have died this week, this high figure is only slightly relieved, by the fact that we have increased our membership of students by 1.2 million over the same weekly period.
While we would liked to have listed the names of all of the students no longer with us, we have not got the space here to actually complete the list. As to the new members we have gained, many have not yet actually been given names, the parents of these poor nameless souls have given us the feeble excuse that they are still in hospitals recovering from giving birth to our new students.
How we are supposed to keep our records up to date is becoming a mystery, and Mrs Miggins (formerly of the pie shop) is getting behind in writing up all of the new membership forms and other necessary paperwork, this is making her late with her other duties such as cooking, tea-making, washing-up, laundry and hovering for the whole of the Universities lecturing body. Some of the lecturers have even had to clean their own shoes, a shocking state of afairs.
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A worried Mrs Miggins
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